complications drained me

6:46 PM

oh gosh, wat a saturday. i guess i'm not doing fine at all. been through so much these few weeks i can feel my heart aching. everything is just so complex. the world is full of paradox and complications. i just don know how to react to unexpected situations. having been through all these i felt numb, completely helpless.

OK. i can say i did well for my BLOCK TEST. but am i happy? NO. why not? i felt so stressed and pressurized instead. maybe i'm too senstive but i can feel others changing the way they looked at me. i'm a MUGGER. a totally devoted student mugging all her way through during March holidays. i donno. Many many incidents had occured that caused me to think that way. Don't comfort me by saying it's coincidence. that is just an excuse for myself.

People come and go. i don believe i so insignificant in every others' life. sometimes i felt so worthless.

one incident
let A B and C be my friends

A : hey, did u do the *?
B : Ya. need to pass up today. C sms-ed me ask me to pass the message to my clique.
(one friend beside them was nodding her head too)
so A decided to ask C

A : C, we need to help in the * today?
C : ya
A : huh i din recieve the message?
C : oh. u all confirmed will do de ma.

-u all- means A and me

OK. what is C trying to say? MEANING i mug. meaning i will do whatever homework that is given to me. Come on. why are there such ppl in the world.? it's so deliberate. and the problem is teacher already said in class that * need to be handed in. So why is that the need to sms others to remind them but not me? IS IT to spike me? Ok i'm already very rational. IF C never sms others, reminding them abt handing in *, i have only myself to blame (for not listening in class).
but the problem lies with the messages sent to others but not me.

whatever.
no matter what i will have to stay calm.

written, CINDY